Booty Call

Ever since we got to Bali we've been working to control our urges when it comes to buying the crap out of all of the knock-off and pirated goods we've come across. From Billabong t-shirts to fake Zippos to Fau-lexes to Oakleys, Lonely Planet guidebooks, DVDs and CD and on and on... With the exception of some real artwork that we got in Bali and a few $3 t-shirts, we've kept it pretty well in control. That is until we got to Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam. From everything you read in the guidebooks this is the capital of copies. The number one for knock-offs. The front runner of forgeries.

We had heard about the pirated DVDs, CDs and software that go for next to nothing. I got the urge to pop into one of the DVD/CD stores while we were wandering around the streets near out guesthouse in Saigon one night. I was skeptical at first. On a previous pop-in to a shop in Bali, the Valkyrie DVD that was for sale, prior to the movie even being released, while of good quality only had the first chapter in English. The rest of the movie was actually in German, much to the contradiction of the shopkeeper and the DVD packaging. No, really, sir. That's not English. Whatever, that was Bali, this is Vietnam – they take this pirating stuff seriously here!

So in we went to browse the new release wall. Wow, look at that – I don't remember half of these movies even being released yet. The concerns with the pirated movies, aside from them being “pirated” (hey, when in Rome, eh?) are that they could be in a foreign language, they could have been filmed by some dude who snuck into a theater with his tripod and a camcorder or of course they may just not work. One of the guys working in the shop even let us know that we shouldn't buy Inkheart or one other movie as they were filmed in the theater and weren't actual copies of the original DVD. Fortunately this shop had four TVs and DVD players so that you could test all of the movies you were interested in buying. We quickly had an arm load so I went over and started checking them out. Much to my initial surprise, everything worked great. So while I tested away, Courtney turned one arm load into several. Round one racked up close to 60 DVDs for somewhere around $50. Sweet!

Of course now that we were seasoned film buyers our antenna were up and eyes open for more opportunities. Shop two came a few days later and jackpot, this place had box sets. Yes! They have Lost Seasons 1-4!! We're back in action! Round two rolled up half a dozen box sets of our favorite and soon to be favorite TV shows along with a few more movies. I think stop brought in another 30 or so discs. On our last day in town we wandered through one of the local markets in search of a dust mask to wear during our Mekong Delta motorcycle tour. But hey, what's that? A DVD stand? Ok, I think the entire Sapranos series and every single James Bond movie ever made should be bought for $15. Just to round out the collection... We found 40 or so CDs that we “needed” to add to the collection too.

Ok, we got the loot. But crap, it's heavy. And since the mini laptop doesn't have a DVD player, we don't actually have a way to watch them. Time to find the post office. This is where our new found elation over discount goods starts to go downhill. “No DVD!” says the man at the post office counter. After a bit of further inquiry and additional confusion, it was clear that for some reason?!?! they do not allow you to mail home the knock-off DVDs. Good thing our crack research department caught onto that one before we had our stack fulls bought and paid for. Ok, I guess we'll just have to carry them for a bit.

On to Cambodia we will head, then straight to the Fed Ex office. As we rolled up to the airport in Saigon, we wondered if we were going to run into any issues getting through Vietnam or Cambodian customs. The answer would be yes, we would. Quickly we check in and get the bags on their way to the plane. Our big mistake, we've decided, is lingering at the adjacent airport map to find the restaurants instead of getting as far away from our bags as possible. Because out comes one of the customs officials to bring us back for a security check on our bags. Sweeeeeeet.

You have DVD?
Yes.
Take out.
Ok.
Oooohhhhhh. That way to many.
Ok.
Copy. Too many. You pay fine.
?????
$50.
$20?
$30.
Ok. Here.
Pack your bags. Have a nice day.
Let's go.

The unabridged version of this conversation had much analysis of the “officials” document (which was in Vietnamese, no English version available for some reason) explaining the rules about pirated DVDs and Courtney's defiance that our “fine” was way too much. Pretty sure the $30 went into the guys pocket, but hey, we still have our new DVD collection in hand. Let's see if we have better luck getting them home from Cambodia. Movie night at our place when we get home!

And no, we did not actually get Booty Call, though it was one of Jamie Foxx's finest 90 minutes. Right up there with Ray in my opinion.

March 12th Edit: The handy UPS tracking number has at least let us know that our package home with said DVDs has made it into the US. Let's hope the calls that my brother and Eleissa are having with US Customs officers about “contraband materials” that are being sent to their house are going well...

April 18th Edit: Well, apparently today was D-Day. It would appear that UPS has destroyed our package for fear of counterfeit DVDs being released on the public and creating chaos. We are so f'n pissed that the pretty much ignored our requests to remove the questionable goods and send on the rest of the package. Here come the nasty-grams!! I guess I'd better re-up my Fed Ex and DHL accounts. Anyone know a good lawyer?